You’re hearing only what you want (#319)
The Confident Leader
BOOST YOUR LEADERSHIP IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
Tom, the Founder, came home after a coaching session with a revelation. He shared it with his wife.
Her response stopped him: “I’ve been telling you that for two years.”
He’d been dismissing the very feedback he most needed to hear.
“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard Feynman
This Week’s Edition
Your blindest spot is probably sitting in feedback you’ve already filtered. You need external perspective you can’t rationalize away.
Clarify Your Thinking
Here’s what happens: we have a strategy, a vision, a direction. The people closest to us see the things we don’t.
They say something. We think they are raining on our parade. “Can’t they just be as excited as I am?”
We dismiss them because:
- we know them,
- know their stake in how we behave,
- know we understand the market better than they do.
We lie to ourselves thinking it’s good discernment, effectively filtering their voice through a wall we built.
“I know this market better than anyone. The people questioning this just don’t see what I see.”
Often, we only hear what confirms what we already believe. And because we’re only hearing confirmation, we can’t self-correct. We need external eyes.
What we’re really doing is building an echo chamber where only our idea gets reflected back to us.
Then we hire a coach (or talk to a mentor). We give them permission to question us – someone with authority we can’t rationalize away.
They approach it with different words, no shared history, and suddenly we can hear it. Eureka!
An outside voice breaks through because we can’t dismiss it the same way.
Old Thinking: I have good judgment. I know my market. I can spot this myself.
New Thinking: I can’t hear myself. The people closest to me often see it first. I need external perspective to break through.
Thoughts Lead to Actions
The fix is building a structure for outside input that you can’t filter through your existing beliefs.
You need a peer who gets your business but isn’t emotionally invested in your idea. A mentor who’s scaled before. A coach who can name what you’re missing. Someone whose judgment breaks through your filter.
Here are the Power Questions to build this structure:
1. Who in your life has said the same thing more than once? (That’s what you’re filtering.)
2. Who would push back on your current strategy if they felt safe doing so?
3. How often do you hear genuine opposition vs. only people who agree?
4. What peer, mentor, or coach would you need in order to create real pushback?
5. Are you willing to hear it even when you don’t want to?
Tom didn’t ignore his wife after that. He built it into a structure. A monthly peer group. A standing coaching call. People with permission to tell him what he’s missing. That’s when things shifted.
You can’t self-correct on confirmation bias. You need external perspective you can’t rationalize away. Build the structure that brings it.
Boost Your Performance
Learn how to build an advisory structure that breaks confirmation bias in this week’s video.
What’s Your Opinion?
Who in your life has been telling you something you haven’t been ready to hear?
I’d love to hear it: robin.pou@robinpou.com
If you are going to be a leader, you might as well be a good one. Don’t let doubt count you out. Have a confident week!
Robin Pou, Chief Advisor and Strategist
We live to make bad leadership extinct so forward this newsletter to others who strive to be confident leaders.
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What is “The Confident Leader”?
During the Covid-19 Pandemic, I began a video series called “Panic or Plan?” It was designed to equip leaders to navigate the doubt they experienced and to rise in the confidence they needed to lead during turbulent times. It took off. I then started this newsletter to equip leaders in the same fashion each week for the doubt that crashes across the bow of their leaderSHIP.
