Silence is costing you more than you think. (#308)
The Confident Leader
BOOST YOUR LEADERSHIP IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.” – Helen Keller
This Week’s Edition
The conversation you keep postponing, and why you should have it even when it changes nothing.
Clarify Your Thinking
Sometimes we think the point of a hard conversation is to change the other person.
We need their behavior to change; otherwise, it wouldn’t be an issue we needed to confront.
So when we’re pretty sure the behavior won’t change, we delay. We file it under pointless and move on.
Stacy spent a lot of mental cycles in her eight months of silence before the conversation.
She didn’t call the procrastination avoidance. She called it patience. She called it practical.
“It won’t change anything, so why say anything?”
Our leadership silence isn’t protecting them.
It’s protecting us from the discomfort of a conversation we think is futile.
My question to you is: how do you know?
Old Thinking: I’ll only have the hard conversation if I think it will change them.
New Thinking: I’ll have the hard conversation to give myself information, a record, and options, no matter what they do.
Thoughts Lead to Actions
TEvery month you don’t name the performance gap, you lose options. Runway. The documented record that lets you act with clarity later, rather than guilt.
You might be right: the conversation won’t change him. Counterintuitively, that was never the reason to have it in the first place.
Count the true cost. By the time you can’t avoid it anymore, you’ve got no runway, no record, and you’re forced to act on the worst possible terms.
The conversation you skipped to protect the relationship may be the reason it ends badly.
Take these steps to prepare for the conversation (finally):
Step 1. Decide what you actually want from the discussion.
Not their transformation. Information and a clear record. Walk in to learn where they really stand and to put the gap on the table out loud.
Step 2. Name the gap plainly, then put it in writing.
Say the specific thing, kindly and directly. Afterward, send the short recap. Not to build a case against them, to give your future self something to stand on.
Step 3. Watch how they respond, then decide with clarity.
Now you have real information instead of a guess. You can coach, wait, or move, and you’ll know which one, without the guilt of wondering whether you ever gave them the chance.
For Stacy, her prediction was correct. He didn’t change. But she walked out with information, a clear head, and options instead of another month of guessing.
Keep the conversation going. You need it. They need it. Have it.
Boost Your Performance
Want to make the hard conversation easier to start and worth having no matter the outcome? This week’s video walks you through it.
What’s Your Opinion?
What’s the conversation you’ve been postponing because you’re sure it won’t change anything?
I’d love to hear your thoughts: robin.pou@robinpou.com
If you are going to be a leader, you might as well be a good one. Don’t let doubt count you out. Have a confident week!
Robin Pou, Chief Advisor and Strategist
We live to make bad leadership extinct so forward this newsletter to others who strive to be confident leaders.
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What is “The Confident Leader”?
During the Covid-19 Pandemic, I began a video series called “Panic or Plan?” It was designed to equip leaders to navigate the doubt they experienced and to rise in the confidence they needed to lead during turbulent times. It took off. I then started this newsletter to equip leaders in the same fashion each week for the doubt that crashes across the bow of their leaderSHIP.
