When Another Leader Undermines You (#252)
The Confident Leader
BOOST YOUR LEADERSHIP IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
A leader recently asked me, “Robin, what do I do when another leader is talking sideways about me—to my team?” He was visibly rattled.
“The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.” —
Phil Jackson
This Week’s Edition
The Harvard Business Review found that workplace incivility—including gossip, passive-aggression, and disrespect—can reduce team performance by up to 30%.
Clarify Your Thinking
The coaching session revealed that this leader wasn’t worried about their ego. They were concerned about organizational trust because when gossip wears a leadership badge, the damage runs deep.
When another leader—whether peer or partner—publicly questions your decisions, mocks your leadership, or subtly chips away at your credibility, the consequences compound:
- You may start operating defensively, possibly second-guessing yourself
- Your team wonders if they can trust your direction
- Other leaders watch and stay silent. Or worse, join in
I’ve seen this happen even in high-performing organizations.
A leader, feeling sidelined or insecure, starts undermining another leader’s influence—not through formal objection, but through side comments to team members:
- “We’ll see if this even works.”
- “I don’t know why they made that call…”
- “Don’t ask me—I wasn’t in that meeting.”
It’s not honest feedback. It’s a power move.
And it’s toxic.
You can’t lead with integrity while letting another leader fracture your influence behind closed doors.
Old Thinking
If I ignore it, it’ll pass. I don’t want to stir up drama. And if I confront them, I’ll look defensive.
New Thinking
If I don’t address this, I’m allowing the culture to drift. Leaders don’t gossip—they clarify. I can be respectful and direct—and still protect the team.
Thoughts Lead to Actions
Here’s the leadership risk: you let gossip go unchecked in the name of “professionalism,” but silence isn’t professionalism—it’s permission. Ouch!
You don’t need to go nuclear. But you do need to go clear.
Here’s how to respond with confidence:
- First, Set the Standard
Start with yourself. In meetings, in private conversations, in your own language, model what aligned, respectful disagreement looks like. Clarity + respect = safety.
- Address the Undermining Leader Privately
Not with emotion. With conviction. Say something like, “I’ve heard a few comments that suggest we’re not aligned. I want to make sure we stay unified—even if we disagree behind the scenes. Help me understand your thoughts around _______.”
- Reinforce Trust with Your Team
Don’t gossip back. Do double down on clarity. “Here’s where we’re going. Here’s why. And if anyone has a concern, I want to hear it directly.” That posture rebuilds confidence.
- Protect the Culture
If the behavior continues, escalate it as a values issue—not a personal one. Leadership alignment isn’t optional. It’s the difference between momentum and mistrust.
You can’t always control what another leader says. But you can control the standard you set, the conversation you initiate, and the example you become.
Boost Your Performance
What’s Your Opinion?
Have you ever been undermined by a peer? How did you respond—or how do you wish you had? Share it with me at robin.pou@robinpou.com.
If you are going to be a leader, you might as well be a good one. Don’t let doubt count you out. Have a confident week!
Robin Pou, Chief Advisor and Strategist
We live to make bad leadership extinct so forward this newsletter to others who strive to be confident leaders.
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What is “The Confident Leader”?
During the Covid-19 Pandemic, I began a video series called “Panic or Plan?” It was designed to equip leaders to navigate the doubt they experienced and to rise in the confidence they needed to lead during turbulent times. It took off. I then started this newsletter to equip leaders in the same fashion each week for the doubt that crashes across the bow of their leaderSHIP.
