Listening: A Powerful Leadership Tool. (#236)
The Confident Leader
BOOST YOUR LEADERSHIP IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
Last Sunday, I received a text from my son’s friend, who is in college. He mentioned that he was in town to watch the Super Bowl and asked if I had time for coffee on Monday.
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
– Epictetus (Greek Stoic philosopher)
This Week’s Edition
Only 8% of employees surveyed considered their leaders to be great listeners. How would you rate your listening skills? How would your team rate them?
Clarify Your Thinking
I said, “Of course. I would be happy to get coffee.” When we met, I asked him why he was interested in meeting. He responded by recounting a conversation we had months ago about a potential business opportunity he and my son were considering.
He said, “You were such a great listener. You asked excellent questions and really listened to us. I rarely experience someone listening so attentively. It feels like people just want to tell me what to do.”
I’m sharing this story at the risk of being seen as less than humble. Regardless of whether I am a good listener, at that moment, he perceived me as someone who was, and it impacted him. Months later, this twenty-two-year-old was willing to reach out, wake up early, and meet with me.
I began with him asking for my advice on various topics, but I held back. I didn’t want to unleash a torrent of “wisdom.” Instead of offering my thoughts, I asked questions to understand why he was seeking advice on certain subjects.
As a result, I learned a lot of good information, which equipped me to contextualize my responses better. My encounter with my son’s friend emphasized the true power of listening, especially when we, as leaders, like to talk… uh… I mean share our knowledge with others.
Old Thinking: He’s asking for my advice. I should share it with him to help him avoid the mistakes I made. This will make his path easier.
New Thinking: W.A.I.T. – why am I talking? Maybe I can serve him better by listening. This will allow me to ask cogent questions that elicit more information, allowing me to listen more.
Thoughts Lead to Actions
Most of us have mastered talking. Congratulations. The challenge with that is that sometimes that comes across as telling. That’s not bad. When teaching, telling someone how to do something is important. However, in other situations, overusing the skill of telling may come back to haunt you.
If you almost always tell people what to do, you will train them to ask you for the answer repeatedly. Failure to listen creates additional negative impact:
- Higher turnover due to employees feeling undervalued and less likely to contribute their ideas freely
- Lower morale and decreased engagement
- Lower job satisfaction and decreased productivity
If you want to be a leader who listens, you can take the approach we coaches take. Instead of telling, we ask. Ask a question, then settle into a posture of actively listening. Then, ask more questions. This ensures you won’t rob someone of their own revelation as your questions probe deeper and effectively guide them.
You will find that they often arrive at the answer themselves, and you will be dubbed a great listener. Everyone wins.
How can you be a better listener? Here are few things to think about:
- Impulse control: This emotional intelligence skill is your ability to resist or delay acting. Can you hold back, not dive in and start talking?
- Curiosity: Are you generally curious about the other person, more focused on what you want to say, or worse… pushing your need to be right about the situation?
- Care: Do you care about the person and their long-term success? If so, you can approach the situation from a posture of listening to help guide their learning experience.
- Time: Are you willing to invest the time today to engage in a slightly longer conversation that will save you time in the future? Telling someone what to do might be a quick fix today, but it will require many more quick fixes down the road.
Resist the urge to tell. Be curious. Care about the person. Invest the time. These are four key elements in your journey to become a master at listening.
Boost Your Performance
Watch this week’s video to learn more about mastering the art of being a good listener.
What’s Your Opinion?
What is your best approach to being a good listener? Share it with me at robin.pou@robinpou.com.
If you are going to be a leader, you might as well be a good one. Don’t let doubt count you out. Have a confident week!
Robin Pou, Chief Advisor and Strategist
We live to make bad leadership extinct so forward this newsletter to others who strive to be confident leaders.
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What is “The Confident Leader”?
During the Covid-19 Pandemic, I began a video series called “Panic or Plan?” It was designed to equip leaders to navigate the doubt they experienced and to rise in the confidence they needed to lead during turbulent times. It took off. I then started this newsletter to equip leaders in the same fashion each week for the doubt that crashes across the bow of their leaderSHIP.
