When You Want Growth More Than They Do #266
The Confident Leader
BOOST YOUR LEADERSHIP IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
One leader I coach, Todd, told me, “I’m pouring energy into developing this person—but I don’t think they want it.”
Todd wasn’t feeling frustration. He was feeling disappointment. Because the investment felt one-sided.
“You can’t want success for someone more than they want it for themselves.” — Unknown
This Week’s Edition
What do you do when you believe in a leader’s potential, but they’re not rising to it?
When your guidance feels ignored, and the growth feels stalled….do you push harder or pull back?
Clarify Your Thinking
It’s normal to feel discouraged when your leadership effort doesn’t seem to land.
You’ve coached. You’ve supported. You’ve carved out space for growth.
But the progress is slow. Or nonexistent.
This tension often signals a deeper truth: you may be over-functioning for someone who’s under-functioning.
Here’s the hard part: leadership doesn’t grow from pressure—it grows from ownership.
If you’re doing the work of transformation for them, they’re not transforming. You are.
And your effort may be shielding them from the discomfort required for real growth.
Support doesn’t mean carrying. Development doesn’t mean rescue. Coaching only works when the other person wants to be coached.
Old Thinking:
If I just keep showing up for them, eventually they’ll match my investment.
New Thinking:
Support isn’t a substitute for ownership. I can’t grow someone who doesn’t want to grow.
Thoughts Lead to Actions
When you find yourself doing more work for someone’s development than they are, it’s time to reset expectations.
Here’s how to lead with clarity—not frustration:
Clarify the Standard
Name the gap between where they are and what the role requires. Make it observable. Make it real.
Transfer the Ownership
Say: “Here’s what I’m willing to invest—but I need to know if you want this.” Ask for commitment.
Set a Timeline
Give them space and time to show progress—with checkpoints. Growth takes time, but effort should be visible early.
Adjust Based on Action
Watch what they do, not what they say. If ownership doesn’t rise, then expectations—and possibly roles—need to shift.
You can champion someone’s potential. But you can’t carry their responsibility.
At some point, they have to want it for themselves.
What’s Your Opinion?
Have you ever wanted growth more for someone than they did? What did you learn in the process? Share your experience with me at robin.pou@robinpou.com
If you are going to be a leader, you might as well be a good one. Don’t let doubt count you out. Have a confident week!
Robin Pou, Chief Advisor and Strategist
We live to make bad leadership extinct so forward this newsletter to others who strive to be confident leaders.
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What is “The Confident Leader”?
During the Covid-19 Pandemic, I began a video series called “Panic or Plan?” It was designed to equip leaders to navigate the doubt they experienced and to rise in the confidence they needed to lead during turbulent times. It took off. I then started this newsletter to equip leaders in the same fashion each week for the doubt that crashes across the bow of their leaderSHIP.
